“You are forcing yourself against the natural life you should be living if you’re pleasing your mother by following what she wants you to do” – she told me.
In the normal world where you think it’s abnormal to say such things against a mother (one of the blindly revered figures); I offer you my shoes.
I have been the rebellious child since my early ages. Notwithstanding my mother, her purposeful nags & the whole of her made me resilient against imbibing her traits into me through the natural course of ‘human adaptability’. If I adapt to the ways of any individual, it is as good as letting that individual reside in me. And my mother would certainly not be that lucky! Every minute, in the last 2 decades; I fought against those little building blocks which I could see, was building my mother’s figure into me. To an extent where I felt that she would continue living inside me forever. And in my mid-twenties I could feel her trespassing through my mind as a checkpoint for everything I do. She always wanted me to be like her in everything, and I remember her telling people since my childhood “Oh he’s just like me.. We both are the same in everything.. He’s gone more on me than on dad“.
But before the girl told me what I mentioned above, a lot of damage was already done to my life. The most recent one was, one of my most well-nurtured relationships suffered trauma. Only to realize how well my mother was dwelling in me, and how she dealt with my friends through me. Like Medusa would crawl out alive from a snake pit; so did I walk out of myself (which was 80% mom and 20% me). I walked out and looked back at that old corpse. What I felt was an undefined bliss, and the eye-opening statement from her was surely sent by God.
In the recent relationship trauma; my reactions and responses to this friend; only led to arguments and harshness from me. That was the peak time when this snake was shedding old skin and wearing a new one.
A typical Indian mother becomes double typical if she is a Keralite too (i.e. born & brought up in Kerala). Mine was too much for me to handle. She dwelt in me until I decoded and re-set all the expectations with her. In the early thirties when I am all by myself with nobody to my left nor right; there’s no case for me to please my parents anymore.
The resulting person with a new coat of evergreen renovation is back to what he was born like. Life is best without rules and parental restrictions. Mothers worldwide, always try their best to have a stronghold over sons as much as the sons allow. That’s the link I always failed at, which helped her getting all strings of control into her own hands. But she ceased fire after I fired cease. Like Putin and Ukraine, the new Israel and Palestine. (I’m kidding Vlady!).
Mom’s hangover of what I don’t know; has finally released me after an extremely long time. The older generation trying to dwell in the next generation is the worst thing that can happen to human evolution; and one must always pour new wine into new bottles as He said.