With Kitty’s wedding around the corner in November; the relatives are all busy making vows. One of us decided to lose 3 kgs and she has 6 more months from now. Same follows for her husband as well. The 20-something cousins are all going cranky over every hue they know of. The buzz has been set for the wedding already. So much that one of our 70-something grannies was caught worrying, thinking “Oh Kitty is in Dubai.. I don’t even have a passport for a free trip”. She was quite coldly ripped off by us with plenty of smiles, making her believe that the wedding is in India. And I joined the bandwagon-of-vows too with a random vow. Gaining 2 packs for Kitty’s wedding, 4 packs for Gudiya’s (December) & 6 packs for the next one. At the time of Dennis, it was a single huge dough-nut. For Betty’s, I was almost at 0 pack, better than being negative!
Apparently today happens to be Kitty’s spouse’s birthday. She posted a beautiful long message for him at Facebook. But what caught my attention was ‘It is so easy and effortless to crack up with you’. Quite coincidentally, I’m penning a blog for my niece’s summer project on something relevant “Loss of Easy & Effortless Communication with Family”.
The subject took me back into yesteryears.
When motives were not judged. When trust was visible. When conversations started with anything silly like “asl plz” or a powerful “Hi”. When meetups were random & momentarily setup. When conversations never ended, forget hitting dead ends. When fun was the prime motive. When ice-breakers were not necessary under normal circumstances. When people spoke a lot. When friendship was at the root of every relationship. When you needed an ice-breaker only after a fight or so.
So what happens if these factors go missing from any relationship? The 1st party suffers the most with the symptoms: Various types of anxieties creep in, socially generic expectations from the 2nd Party go crashing, generic discomfort with the 2nd party sneaks in, the fear factor of letting go the 2nd party rises and gradually the situation becomes acceptable to self, alternatives become visible, better / worse future walks in, historically good times gets buried in the sands of wasted times, time becomes more expensive, 2nd party becomes irrelevant in the life of 1st party etc. In the words of another friend, “sab kuch andar se aana chahiye, nahi toh rishte se nikal ja (The feeling must come from within you, if not then abandon the relationships)”.
Given the death of the ease and effortlessness I had in cracking up with people, paths have narrowed down to willingly experience the struggle in conversations. And what more; its time to bid adieu to this train of struggle that I had willingly agreed to face in the name of friendship, love and care! Whatever reasons people may have for it, after a communication-struggle of a few years specifically with one of my closest friends (who thought I would skip other social engagements to attend his Easter Dinner even if he invited me at the last minute); my time is here for a flight to finding easy, effortless & free flowing communication which would be mutually appreciated than the clichéd & strangled one-way communications. And while the world continues to expand beyond human imaginations, a personal mantra to avoid such communication breakdowns could be the ultimate insurance. Hang on Neona, WIP.. 🙂