Self-Customizations

It was a long time back when I sat on an iron wrought chair. Both the legs were spread out, rested on the edge of a coffee table. The back was comfortably rested on the backrest, with the neck and head not leaning on the chair. Both the hands were folded; and I thought that I should think. I was customizing myself to meet some needs. I was compromising my mind, to suit situations favourable to my parents. I was letting myself to walk out of myself, and welcoming my parents inside me. I was losing myself. I lost me (by choice), for the sake of seamless hassle-free living in sync with my parents.

And then I started thinking about the life ahead. I came across several people. I lost them too because I did not repeat the process given above to ensure a seamless time with them. Though I did give my best try, I intentionally keep patience within a hand’s reach for 3-4 times over the same matter. But when it strikes 5 and there’s clearly no room for any apologies and the matter is still unresolved; I take the pleasure to exit. Sometimes the count is not 5, its 100-ish. Whether the matter was due to my mistake or not; where there’s no room for progressive alliance – it’s sheer wastage of time. And usually I expect room for apology even when I know I was not at any fault; but still willing to apologize. Sissy sorts?!

Coming to being sissy, there’s a thin line best explained by this example. A wicked lion grows weak, and acts meek because it is weak. A meek lion acts weak because it is meek. This confuses a vulture targeting a meek lion, thinking that it is weak and ready to fall. Well, vultures end up wasting their time. But this lion is sissy unless it’s time to hunt for a prey. Another example could be of an angel and demon. Angels, of course extremely sissy and sassy; are usually undermined by the demons though both have almost equal powers. While demons are known to exercise / display their strengths needlessly, angels are more known to be sober / kiddish unless its wartime. This further reminds me of inter-couple combinations.

Let’s consider 2 couples to exemplify the case:

Couple # 1: A male bastard and a bitchy female.

Couple # 2: An male angel and a female angel.

Who out of these 4 people needs whom, and what forms a healthy combination? Couple # 1 is surely bound to a life full of sorties, though they chose each other willingly with an intention to be the best couple of the world. Perhaps there should be 1 angel in this combo. Maybe a male bastard and a female angel could save the relationship and sustain it forever. Or maybe a bitchy female with a male angel to serve the continuity of a seamless mutually heart-satisfying relationship. The 3rd best combo could be of a male angel and a female angel staying together – the kind of couple whom the world might label as weak and sissy. With no clue whether I am a male bastard or a male angel, I leave this to my destiny. But for those who know what they are out of the 4 people above, they know what to go for. I do love living like a meek lion forever, unless it’s time to roar and run for the next hunt.

It was in 1982 when an ancient and freely roaming soul was commanded to enter into a new born baby’s body. That body was mine and the soul took over it, and for a while this soul has been using my body to find its mate – the soulmate. Some people have it the other way round. The bodies convince / use their souls to find the soul-mate which eventually turns out to be a body-mate instead of soulmate. Well I have done it too, but I gave it up after failing to convert body-mates into soulmates. It was never easy to convince the soul saying “Hey, this one is your real soulmate – now shut the fuck up and be happy”. It just didn’t work out.

It looked like love when I was recently involved with a girl who works close to the company where I work. Knowing her since a long time (2008-ish), these times were too varying. Her well-timed, wisely-crafted and self-limited interactions; led to my soul waking up my slumbering body. The body went into a slumber after assuming that it had found a mate for it’s soul. I went on to realize how we change the definition of an apple along the way of life. When we start, an apple by all means is the food to finish hunger. Then it becomes a food / drink for a healthy life, and not just to kill hunger. Then we skin it for consumption, for a healthier life. Then we use 2-3 apples to make juices, because eating it for hunger is no longer the purpose of having an apple. Then we use it as a dish-décor after cutting it into various shapes. Then we don’t eat it because it is not looking too fresh. And so on, we end up expecting several features in the same people as time passes. What was acceptable before, suddenly seems unacceptable in our present conditions of life.

And so I decided today evening to sit back and relax on the same iron wrought chair in the same pose given above. I thought that I should think. I told myself “It’s our time to re-customize again. Maybe she is the ultimate soulmate, but there are some relationship problems which cannot be resolved by the souls alone – it needs changes in one / both minds. Maybe some things have to be changed for the sake of the souls”.

Banking on the belief that the present problems between me and this girl could be due to issues unrelated to merely the souls; I decided to give it a try.

If one mind flags a problem in the 2nd mind, maybe the 2nd mind must get it resolved. And to sustain the relationship, maybe the 2nd mind should never raise flags about the 1st mind at all. And this is where I hit upon re-customization. I know that this girl has never lost herself as much as I lost myself when I tried to adjust with my parents’ demands. I know that at present she is more of herself, because maybe she never had to let herself walk out of herself to suit family needs. So I thought that if I already lost myself once, let me now lose a little more of myself. Let me customize myself to be the one of utmost help to my self-assumed soulmate.

The process of not being yourself to ensure a seamless life with others, was thus reinitiated. And so in this world where ‘be yourself’ is served as a large scale mantra; I started customizing myself. Why? Am I being too sissy and dumb? Nope. So that – instead of me being myself which is hurting the relationship; I would rather be the one that my soulmate wants me to be. And that’s solely because I love her. And so on this National Engineers’ Day 2016 in India, I am celebrating it by re-engineering myself for the good in all belief that this turns out to be a male angel – female angel kind of relationship. 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Johnson John says:

    Reblogged this on Reaping Off the Unforbidden Realities and commented:

    There too..

    Like

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